Prima Donna
BODY:
With apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber, I present the The Phantom of Olympia:
RON SIMS
Your public needs you!
DEAN LOGAN
We need you, too!
GREGIORE (unassuaged)
Would you not rather have your precious little ingénue?
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Signora, no! the world wants you!
(The DEMOCRATS adopt their most persuasive attitudes)
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Prima donna first lady of the State!Your absentees come from their graves to implore you!
RON SIMS
Can you bow out when they're blogging your name?
DEAN LOGAN
Think of how we both adore you!
BOTH
Prima donna, endorse us once again!
RON SIMS
Think of your new shoes . . .
DEAN LOGAN
And of the News in the evening!
BOTH
Can you deny us the cover we need? Please, prima donna, hold fast!
(GREGIORE registers her acceptance as the DEMOCRATS continue to cajole and the OTHERS reflect variously on the situation)
ROSSI
Christine spoke of an angle . . .
GREGIORE (to herself, in triumph)
Prima donna your voters live again!
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN (to GREGIORE)
Think of your public!
GREGIORE
You took a snub but there's a public who needs you!
SAM REED (referring to CHRISTINE)
She has heard the voice of Carville and Gore . . .
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN (to GREGIORE)
Those who hear your voice liken you to a harpy!
GREGIORE
Think of how we’ll buy their undying support!
ROSSI
Is this her angle on voters. . .?
RON SIMS (to DEAN LOGAN)
We get our State . . .
DEAN LOGAN (to RON SIMS)
She gets her felons!
GREGIORE
Follow where the provisionals lead you!
JOHN CARLSON
Are theses ghosts an angle for ballots. . .?
ROSSI
Angle for ballots. . .?
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN (aside)
Misleading audits are on trial!
SAM REED
Heaven help you, those who doubt . . .
GREGIORE
I'll win again, and to unending ovation!
ROSSI
Orders! Warnings! Lunatic demands!
SAM REED
This miscounting will invite damnation . . .
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Briefs . . . oaths . . .lunatic demands are regular occurrences!
JOHN CARLSON
Bliss or damnation? Which has claimed her . . .?
GREGIORE
Think how I'll shine in that courtroom! Sing, prima donna, once more!
SAM REED
Oh fools, to have flouted Shark’s warnings!
ROSSI
Surely, for truth's sake . . .
JOHN CARLSON
Surely he'll strike back . . .
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Surely there'll be further hearings -worse than this!
SAM REED
Think, before these ballots are rejected!
ROSSI
. . .I must see these ballots are rejected!
JOHN CARLSON
. . . if his threats and demands are rejected!
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Who'd believe a diva happy to relive a bogus threat, who's gone and won with felons?
Rossi and the blogs, entwined in love's duet!Although he may demur, he must have been reading them!
JOHN CARLSON/ROSSI
Christine must be ousted!
GREGIORE
Blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah
Blah
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
You'd never get away with all this in Texas, but if it's loudly sung and in a liberal tongue it's just the sort of story the Times and P-I adore, in fact a perfect outcome!
ROSSI
Her game is over!
SAM REED
This is a game you cannot hope to win!
ROSSI
And on the blogs a new game will begin . . .
SAM REED
For, if Shark’s cursor is on this data . . .
JOHN CARLSON
But if his cursor is on this data . . .
RON SIMS/DEAN LOGAN
Prima donna the press is at your feet! A mansion waits, and how it hates Republicans!GREGIORE
The stress that falls upon a famous prima donna! Terrible death threats, audits and protests and judges! Still, the stalest threat will reach the evening news, in search of the perfect outcome!
RON SIMS/SAM REED
. . . then I fear the outcome . . .
ROSSI
Christine plays the victim, blaming phantom talk shows. . .
SAM REED
. . . should you dare to . .
JOHN CARLSON
. . . when you once again . . .
ALL
Light up the News with that faulty report! Sing, prima donna, once more!
SHARK'S VOICE
So, it is to be war between us! If these demands are not met, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!
ALL
Once more